Tag Archives: Unemployed

April certainly flew by didn’t it?! Heh heh…oops. You guys, I swear, lately (consider lately the last five months) I have had the attention span of a gnat. Sometimes I catch myself suddenly googling “Teen Mom per episode salary” and I turn around and there are literally three pillows left to put on my bed in order to wrap up the bed making process. I will have eyeliner on one eye and think to myself “the soap dispenser in the kitchen needs a refill” and then I go do that thing. I struggle at least once a week with the temptation to take the trash out while I’m in my robe. Just wait, I tell myself. You are walking out the door in 15 minutes, go pick out an outfit and, you know, take a breath. This afternoon I opened up a “New Post” tab for the blog a little before one, and then distracted myself with a two hour conversation about crossbody bags and Broadway musicals in anticipation of a trip to NYC this Memorial Day weekend. So the fact that that small effort turned into the full post you are currently reading is a blessed miracle. I am a constant work in progress who is, I swear, trying to maintain some semblance of a plan at all times, succeeding minimally to averagely depending on what part of the plan you’re looking at.

Areas of success include not beating myself up/crying into my sleeve every time I think about how I don’t have a job, working with a budget that would make some people inquire into whether or not I am sleeping in a grocery cart in an alley (I am not), and learning how to steam asparagus using tin foil and a pot, rather than just buying asparagus and throwing it away three weeks later, because I don’t own a steamer and forgot about Google. I know it’s not brain surgery, but be patient with me. We’re all learning at our own pace. Sometimes a person comes into your life and they’re like “Just do it like this” and you’re like, “Ok, got it” and then everything after that moment is different. Let’s just stay positive and remember to pat ourselves on the back at each milestone, big or small. The day I learn how to use a curling iron I swear to God I am throwing a parade.

Areas of not so much success include, using 1-2 failed interview opportunities to deem the entire employment-seeking process a racket, combining the freedom of my weekly schedule and the three 80 degree days we had last week as an excuse to drink more on a Wednesday than I normally do on a Saturday (ow my head), and showing frustration when a woman tumbled onto my back as the train we were riding lurched forward and she was not holding onto anything. We’ve all been there and I hate when I get short-tempered with strangers who mean no harm. I mean, I didn’t yell at her, but I did give a curt, “Don’t worry about it. It’s fine. It’s ok.” I’m a monster.

Overall, days are made up of super fun times that keep me motivated to err on the side of productive member of society. I am keeping good company, seeing good theatre, enjoying excellent television programming like New Girl and The Mindy Project and Veep (Tune in, folks. Tune IN.), exercising enough so I don’t feel like an invalid. I even had a conversation at a party over the weekend where I confirmed with a fellow guest that she works somewhere I might want to work and we should stay in touch!  (Sometimes I have to remind myself that networking does not only mean putting on a name tag and going to a job fair hosted in a hotel ballroom at 11 am on a Tuesday and nodding your head at someone’s pyramid scheme.) Maybe right now, while I’m feeling productive, I’ll come up with a more structured writing format for this blog. You know, like how people have themes on their blogs like “Wedding Wednesday” or “Monday Motivations” and they post a picture of a girl in a gym with great shoulders? Maybe I can do something like that. Maybe Mondays could be Maggie Mondays, what do you guys say to that?! Maggie! Maggie! Maggie! Ugh, she’s busy at work. She can’t hear my chants.

Briefly, while we’re on the subject of things I do to sometimes distract myself from my priorities, can I say that Downton Abbey is just not happening for me? I started the first season on April 7th and I’m only on episode three, still struggling to flush out the plot. Like I get it, rich people and the hired help, but also the Titanic? Dowries? Mom is American, kids have British accents? Not following, not intrigued enough for a marathon viewing. I guess I’ll have to keep watching in ten minute increments as I fall asleep at night until something clicks.

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It’s Never Too Late For Now

Surprise! Are you shocked? It has been exactly 224 days since Maggie or I published a post on this site. And that piece happened to be about the hard times befalling me during a trip to Pinkberry as well as, if memory serves, rather obvious commentary on a couple of innocents just trying to stage some nice moments on their wedding day to share with the good women of Pinterest. What a way to go.

So I’m back. (Maggie doesn’t know this yet. Well, now she does. Hi Maggie!) Because I couldn’t bare the thought of someone trolling the Internets and falling upon the once great Thanks For Asking, looking at that picture of me in glasses the size of my forehead and thinking, “You look like someone who can’t finish what she started.” I’m too protective of that poor girl who, at age nine, thought picking out tan frames was the best way to manage the introduction of an eye crutch to her face. Tan, you guys. They were tan. I think the brand was even called “Tans.”

Anyway. I like writing. And I missed it. And I have so many thoughts on Jennifer Aniston’s career and hair and how hard it is to not eat raw cookie dough just every once and awhile and Homeland and does it count as running if sometimes you catch yourself in a storefront window and it looks more like walking and being a little mad at my dad for getting me a subscription to The New Yorker for Christmas when he knows how much I like TV, and I just needed a place to share all of it and no one follows me on Twitter. Don’t feel bad about that last part. I barely know how to use Twitter. I once tried to tweet at Mindy Kaling and it just reposted what she wrote and I got super embarrassed and texted my sister.

I’ve been meaning to do this since November when I was politely asked to stop coming into the office where I was working because said office would no longer exist by the end of the year. 2012 was not my best. I mean, I still enjoyed Olympic gymnast Aly Raisman’s parents as much as you guys did but, yeah, overall 2012 was a stink bomb. So it made sense to get back into something I had developed a true passion for, what with all this time on my hands. But as it turns out, I am much better at spending hours on YouTube watching old performances from So You Think You Can Dance? and my favorite Oscar acceptance speeches from years past than I thought. I literally went on the Internet yesterday to find Tom Hanks’s acceptance speech when he won for Philadelphia because it is my favorite of all time and I wanted to share it on Facebook and 45 minutes later I was watching an old Portia de Rossi interview on Ellen. I am amazing.

Normally, I’m the type of person who loves clear marks of a fresh start: Monday mornings are a great time to reevaluate your calorie consumption, the day after paying your credit card bill is a great time to restructure your budget, and Memorial Day weekend is a great time to get new flip flops for summer and throw the ones you’ve owned since sophomore year of college into the garbage. (That last one there is more of a future reminder than a lesson learned.) So I am thrilled when the new year comes around and it’s time to make a resolution for the entire year. I hate people who say they don’t make resolutions because they never keep them. They’re the same kind of people who say they hate their birthday. (What?! A day just for you to get showered in attention and have all your friends buy your drinks? You hate that? Leave the country.) Who cares if you don’t keep your resolution! Just play the game. I had like a hundred. Find a job, buy new gym shoes, stop watching Dance Moms, don’t get so angry about Taylor Swift because, you know, karma, start writing again, the list goes on and on. And I didn’t do a one! Not a one! But I put some semblance of a plan together at the start of the year and here I am, February 25th, lying in bed at 11:45 am getting that ball rolling. One of my other resolutions was to not lie in bed all morning even if in that bed I was technically working because my friend once went to a sleep seminar and they told her beds are only for sex and sleeping and I think that’s a good lesson for us slovenly folks who have found more Cheerios in their sheets than you would in the backseat of a minivan.

So I’m trying! And I’m excited! And I hope you are too.

I’m going to allow for some restructuring here at TFA (for the record, I hate this blog’s initials. Whenever I say it or type it I immediately feel like I’m standing at an airline counter) in order to encourage/mandate success this time around. When Maggie and I first started this in January 2012, the concept was a snark fest pop culture round-up, because we are so snarky and like to put people in their place when they say things like, “Aaron Sorkin man, he just gets it.” But nowadays I feel like I have so much more to share, like how I am managing my irrational fear of getting pushed onto the train tracks by someone suffering a severe mental illness every time I wait on a platform. I try to be cool about it but I’m sure someone has noticed me look at them with the fear of God in my eyes if they ever accidentally get within one foot of my personal space. So stuff like that mixed with expressions of unhinged anger about the guy from Homeland beating out Bryan Cranston for Best Actor in a Television Series at any award show ever because, seriously you guys, he is terrible. Every time he talks with his mouth I wonder if he had jaw reconstructive surgery at the age of seven and his parents could not afford to pay for the necessary post-op rehabilitation services where you relearn to open your mouth wider than one inch when speaking. What else can explain this!

So you get the gist. I also feel like this is the first step to getting all those other resolutions rolling. Finding a job is probably priority one, so if you hear of a company looking for a 26 year old woman with a degree in Acting who saw seven of the nine movies nominated for Best Picture this year and knows how to use iMovie, please let me know.

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