Surprise! Are you shocked? It has been exactly 224 days since Maggie or I published a post on this site. And that piece happened to be about the hard times befalling me during a trip to Pinkberry as well as, if memory serves, rather obvious commentary on a couple of innocents just trying to stage some nice moments on their wedding day to share with the good women of Pinterest. What a way to go.
So I’m back. (Maggie doesn’t know this yet. Well, now she does. Hi Maggie!) Because I couldn’t bare the thought of someone trolling the Internets and falling upon the once great Thanks For Asking, looking at that picture of me in glasses the size of my forehead and thinking, “You look like someone who can’t finish what she started.” I’m too protective of that poor girl who, at age nine, thought picking out tan frames was the best way to manage the introduction of an eye crutch to her face. Tan, you guys. They were tan. I think the brand was even called “Tans.”
Anyway. I like writing. And I missed it. And I have so many thoughts on Jennifer Aniston’s career and hair and how hard it is to not eat raw cookie dough just every once and awhile and Homeland and does it count as running if sometimes you catch yourself in a storefront window and it looks more like walking and being a little mad at my dad for getting me a subscription to The New Yorker for Christmas when he knows how much I like TV, and I just needed a place to share all of it and no one follows me on Twitter. Don’t feel bad about that last part. I barely know how to use Twitter. I once tried to tweet at Mindy Kaling and it just reposted what she wrote and I got super embarrassed and texted my sister.
I’ve been meaning to do this since November when I was politely asked to stop coming into the office where I was working because said office would no longer exist by the end of the year. 2012 was not my best. I mean, I still enjoyed Olympic gymnast Aly Raisman’s parents as much as you guys did but, yeah, overall 2012 was a stink bomb. So it made sense to get back into something I had developed a true passion for, what with all this time on my hands. But as it turns out, I am much better at spending hours on YouTube watching old performances from So You Think You Can Dance? and my favorite Oscar acceptance speeches from years past than I thought. I literally went on the Internet yesterday to find Tom Hanks’s acceptance speech when he won for Philadelphia because it is my favorite of all time and I wanted to share it on Facebook and 45 minutes later I was watching an old Portia de Rossi interview on Ellen. I am amazing.
Normally, I’m the type of person who loves clear marks of a fresh start: Monday mornings are a great time to reevaluate your calorie consumption, the day after paying your credit card bill is a great time to restructure your budget, and Memorial Day weekend is a great time to get new flip flops for summer and throw the ones you’ve owned since sophomore year of college into the garbage. (That last one there is more of a future reminder than a lesson learned.) So I am thrilled when the new year comes around and it’s time to make a resolution for the entire year. I hate people who say they don’t make resolutions because they never keep them. They’re the same kind of people who say they hate their birthday. (What?! A day just for you to get showered in attention and have all your friends buy your drinks? You hate that? Leave the country.) Who cares if you don’t keep your resolution! Just play the game. I had like a hundred. Find a job, buy new gym shoes, stop watching Dance Moms, don’t get so angry about Taylor Swift because, you know, karma, start writing again, the list goes on and on. And I didn’t do a one! Not a one! But I put some semblance of a plan together at the start of the year and here I am, February 25th, lying in bed at 11:45 am getting that ball rolling. One of my other resolutions was to not lie in bed all morning even if in that bed I was technically working because my friend once went to a sleep seminar and they told her beds are only for sex and sleeping and I think that’s a good lesson for us slovenly folks who have found more Cheerios in their sheets than you would in the backseat of a minivan.
So I’m trying! And I’m excited! And I hope you are too.
I’m going to allow for some restructuring here at TFA (for the record, I hate this blog’s initials. Whenever I say it or type it I immediately feel like I’m standing at an airline counter) in order to encourage/mandate success this time around. When Maggie and I first started this in January 2012, the concept was a snark fest pop culture round-up, because we are so snarky and like to put people in their place when they say things like, “Aaron Sorkin man, he just gets it.” But nowadays I feel like I have so much more to share, like how I am managing my irrational fear of getting pushed onto the train tracks by someone suffering a severe mental illness every time I wait on a platform. I try to be cool about it but I’m sure someone has noticed me look at them with the fear of God in my eyes if they ever accidentally get within one foot of my personal space. So stuff like that mixed with expressions of unhinged anger about the guy from Homeland beating out Bryan Cranston for Best Actor in a Television Series at any award show ever because, seriously you guys, he is terrible. Every time he talks with his mouth I wonder if he had jaw reconstructive surgery at the age of seven and his parents could not afford to pay for the necessary post-op rehabilitation services where you relearn to open your mouth wider than one inch when speaking. What else can explain this!
So you get the gist. I also feel like this is the first step to getting all those other resolutions rolling. Finding a job is probably priority one, so if you hear of a company looking for a 26 year old woman with a degree in Acting who saw seven of the nine movies nominated for Best Picture this year and knows how to use iMovie, please let me know.